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Parental Investment

from The Rap Guide to Human Nature by Baba Brinkman

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lyrics

Yeah, Mr. Simmonds, Baba Brinkman
Tryin’ to get committed
Mr. Simmonds, Baba Brinkman
We’re gonna work it out

My beautiful producer I just wanna make music
With you, sir; I know you’ve been with some seducers
Some “super MCs” who just wanna spit lyrics
On your tracks and leave, but man, that’s not me!
I’ll be with you ‘til it’s done, but this ain’t no hit and run
You can run and tell your friends that you’ve met someone
Different, and not another prima donna tryin’ to treat you like a
Conquest, I wanna make a long-term investment
Why? ‘Cause I understand my producer’s plight
All a rapper has to do is say some lyrics through the mic
And they’re gone like it’s all fun, but in the long run
Without producers, no MCs would get their songs done
It’s like the birds and bees; words are like sperm for MCs
And we need producers to nurture our seeds
‘Cause it’s after we come together that the magic happens
That’s when you’re mastering and fiddling with your mad little plug-ins
And that’s why I love you, and I wanna commit
‘Cause you’re the perfect producer for me, so I hope we never split
‘Cause if we ever did, you might find a more famous MC
But you’ll never find another rapper as dedicated as me

Whoever stands to lose their investment
By assumin’ the risk will be the choosiest
I get producers pregnant
It’s just a simple prediction made by evolution
Put it to the test
But I’m tryin’ to get committed
Females invest more resources
Except for seahorses and a few exceptions
Such as Mormon crickets
And me and my producer, when we make this music
We’re guided by parental investment
And so are men and women

Look, I know some rappers have tried to prostitute you
And pay you a daily rate for your studio, but this is not what you’re used to
And I know I’m not the only one who wants your exclusive attention
But you’ve gotta admit man, we have huge potential
You and me – we make music beautifully
And you would make me the happiest rapper on this planet by choosing me
And telling the competition you’re taken
I will do everything in my power to advance your situation
And besides, those other rappers treat you like a nasty slut
So pull you pants up and embrace romantic love!
I’m sorry, I just get so jealous when I think on it
I like the way your finger toggles so much I wanna put a ring on it
And if you make a song and you need somebody to sing on it
I understand I can’t sing, so we’ll get some swingers in on it
As long as we’re being honest, no arrangement is perfect
So it’s okay if I’m not the last rapper you ever work with
And I might spit some verses on another producer’s tracks
But I will see our projects through to the last until they’re mastered
And even after that I will never take you for granted
Because I recognize your investment, Jamie, and I aim to match it

Whoever stands to lose their investment
By assumin’ the risk will be the choosiest
You’re so choosy Simmonds
It’s just a simple prediction made by evolution
Put it to the test
But I’ve read Bob Trivers
Females invest more resources
Except for seahorses and a few exceptions
You’ve been kinda promiscuous
And me and my producer, when we make this music
We’re guided by parental investment
But I’ma get you pregnant

So what is the actual definition of male and female?
The females have the larger gametes, the larger sex cells
And Jamie, your studio is larger than my microphone
So you’re the woman in this relationship…

Whoever stands to lose their investment
By assumin’ the risk will be the choosiest
So I’ma get committed
It’s just a simple prediction made by evolution
Put it to the test
Go ahead and check it out
Females invest more resources
Except for seahorses and a few exceptions
Like Mormon crickets, right
And me and my producer, when we make this music
We’re guided by parental investment
We’re gonna get invested

Whoever stands to lose their investment
By assumin’ the risk will be the choosiest
You’re kinda choosy Simmonds
It’s just a simple prediction made by evolution
Put it to the test
But we goan get committed
Females invest more resources
Except for seahorses and a few exceptions
Like some kinds of fishes
And me and my producer, when we make this music
We’re guided by parental investment
We’re gonna get committed

credits

from The Rap Guide to Human Nature, released August 1, 2010

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Baba Brinkman New York, New York

Science rapper and inventor of several novel hip-hop variants. Canadian transplant to New York. Pathological optimist.

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